How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
