I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He passed out mid-signature
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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