This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
