Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
