i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
