I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
