She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
