Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
