my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
