Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
