So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize