I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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