There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
