sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
