so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
