turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize