Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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