Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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