I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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