Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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