We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
