You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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