i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
