you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
