I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
