Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
