hell yes lets make some ravioli
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
