No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
