I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
