3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
he just fucked me for my cheese.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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