so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
