if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
