Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
