There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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