we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
