nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
