I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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