We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
