last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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