its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
