Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
