I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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