so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
This gyro tastes like lonliness
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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