Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
