This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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