maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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