By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Acid is not a monday night drug
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
