If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
soo... how was my night?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
