I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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