dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
