So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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