Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
