hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
