I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
