She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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