ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
