Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
