uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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