All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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