So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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