How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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