Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
