There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
