my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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