She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
