Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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