i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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