Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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