I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I love you. Go after that dick
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
