Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
