We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
