Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Randomize
