the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
too bad you live with your parents still
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Drunk is not a location!
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize