I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
We left the knife in your bed.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
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