Screwed.edu
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
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