He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
