The police scanner is talking about you again....
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
