Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
