I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize