woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
