Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Randomize
