It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
