No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
