She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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