I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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