I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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