did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
