we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
