Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
