I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Randomize
