some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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