I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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