You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
