He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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