You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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