I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
