HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
