Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize