and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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