and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
