??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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