it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
