It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
