Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
