then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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