I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
