im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
