the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
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